50-48

(Originally published 11/23/07)

Dear everyone whose names are on my gmail account and are somehow
related to Arkansas,

Did you know that the plural of phoenix is phoenixes? Learn it,
because our boys can now count themselves among those winged creatures
of ancient myth. Tonight I saw the by-god Arkansas Razorbacks defeat a
gaggle of criminals and miscreants in front of 93,000 pituitary cases.
It was, like most games, one that we were clearly destined to lose.
But unlike those other times, we didn't. It wasn't because we are much
better than them (which we aren't), or because their coach is a
fucking idiot (which his is), it was, rather, an amazing confluence of
events, as tend to happen in various places, in various parts of the
globe, as it spins on an axis that we will always claim to understand
but will never truly understand. As Matt Flynn's pass fell to the
ground, and our defeat of the nation's #1 team became a reality, I
jumped with glee, hugging all the Arkansas fans around me, as
agonizing disappointment seeped from my brother and step-father, who
attended the game with me, clad in garish purple and gold. I sang all
the familiar songs, and screamed up to the heavens, trying to reach a
god I don't believe in, the same way a child aches to show his parent
a drawing he's been working on for days. It isn't real until mommy
validates it. This is just the nature of things. And as I turned
around, I realized I was crying. I haven't cried in years. Not because
of sense of misplaced machismo (I don't have it) or because boys
aren't supposed to cry (they are), but because years of crippling
mental illness have taught me to turn my emotions on and off like a
faucet. It is a gift. But tonight, from the cloudy deep: catharsis.
Stasis. All was right with the world. This has been a frustrating,
disappointing semester for me. It may have been for you, as well. If
so, take heart: things improve. There are, in the midst of the
crippling bankruptcy of droning days, moments of sheer wonder, aching
for those whose eyes need to see them most. And they find us. They
will always find us. The Arkansas Razorbacks beat the number one team
in the nation tonight. Rejoice. Oh, and by the way, Texas lost, too.
Fuck Texas. Long live the Arkansas Razorbacks. –T (PS-Did I mention
Fuck Texas?)