(Originally published 11/25/07)
Hello all,
Thanks for all of your great replies to my mass venting Friday night. I hope you will keep them coming. Many of you included suggestions and/or questions, so I thought, in the spirit of friendship, I would again send a mass email, synthesizing those questions and comments into a series of questions (in my own words), then answering them for the edification of all.
Q: Were your seats good?
A: Great. 22nd row, corner of the endzone close to the Razorback band. I was on the end of my row, staring coolly across the aisle at the LSU section. This led, obviously, I suppose, to some relatively dicey exchanges. See next question.
Q: How many old women and/or children did you accost/verbally abuse while at Tiger Stadium?
A: 8. But in my defense, I'm counting five different times when we succeeded in one form or another, and I turned to the LSU section next to me and screamed, "Fuck you all!" while waving my hand around like an overweight gospel singer. Old women and children just happened to be there. Here's an interesting tidbit I've managed to cull from trial and error: If you yell obscene things into a crowd of people who could surely squash you into little bits, that crowd tends to refuse the violent option, thinking something along the lines of, "That bastard is fucking nuts. He's probably suffering from borderline schizophrenia or some other crippling dementia that turns off his ability to make wise choices. We will therefore leave him alone." Science is fun.
Q: How many corndog references did you use throughout the day, pregame to postgame?
A: 7. This number would have been far higher, but my brother seemed to think it lacked creativity. Seemed to think it was old hat to use such phraseology, even though it clearly works. (He studied continental philosophy. Good old-fashioned pragmatism was never his thing.) Corndogs? some of you might be asking. Whatever do you mean? Well, see here. Or here. And just because I learned how to hyperlink, how about here, too. All the best in corndog information, right at your fingertips.
Q: But in victory…
A: But in victory I was a gracious winner. My brother and step-father, who attended the game with me, were crushed. We shook hands, told each other that it was a good game, then remained pretty quiet until we parted ways at my rental car (which, incidentally, wasn't a car at all. It was a huge brand new black pickup truck. I have rented so many cars from the Enterprise down the street from my apartment that the guy who runs the place has come to know me. He now lets me pick out any car I want. I chose the big black pickup truck because I thought it would look intimidating driving around the Old Lou campus. I thought maybe some of that residual toughness would feed into the team. I still maintain that I was right.). The LSU fan sitting in front of me was an anesthesiologist, and seemed to have little trouble believing I was a history professor, even after he had been on the business end of every blue word in the Motion Picture Association of America Code of Conduct. I don't know if this says something about him or about history professors.
Q: It was nice to hear you rant about Razorback sports again. No one has really seemed to step into the breach and be that loudmouthed asshole who provides us with our Hog information here on campus, no matter how annoying or unwelcome it is. Couldn't you do that more, even though you're marooned far from Fayetteville?
A: Absolutely. You are now all on the list for the Razorback Sports Listserv, whereby I will, once a week, send an email in which I describe the goings on in Razorback fandom, its trials and successes, its theory and praxis, etc. I will also, inevitably, bitch about everything else that has given me reason to bitch that week. (WARNING: To stave off the crushing loneliness I experience on a daily basis, I have just purchased myself a television, one of those flat panel jobs with high definition. And by the end of the week, I'll have cable. This was a completely necessary move, as I have been trying to stave off said crushing loneliness with my old standby—books. The problem with books is that they are super-awesome, and when I read them, I just keep reading them. I put off grading papers, writing lectures, doing any extracurricular writing. I have to temper my recreational reading with something else. Television has the benefit of allowing you to do work while it's on. Also, it sends other human voices throughout your quiet, cavernous apartment. This is a line of argument that the advertising departments at Cox and/or Comcast never seem to pursue, but it has sold me nonetheless. The upshot for you, of course, is that having television is going to give me a lot more things to bitch about. You might be fucked on that count.) If you aren't interested in hearing my take on the goings on in Razorback fandom, you're fucked on that count, too. The first rule of the Razorback Sports Listserv is that you cannot be removed from the Razorback Sports Listserv. If, on the other hand, you ARE interested in hearing these things, or if you know others who might be interested in hearing them, feel free to send me their emails and I will put them on the list. Or have them email me at thomasaiello@gmail.com. There are plenty of people in Fayetteville, for example, that I haven't sent anything to, because the last time I emailed them was from my Uark account, which is now gone. You funnel me email addresses, I'll put them on the list. Thus I christen thee, Razorback Sports Listserv, born Friday, November 23, 2007, the night that the #31 University of Arkansas football team defeated the #1 Louisiana State University and Agricultural and Mechanical College football team 50-48. But since "Razorback Sports Listserv" is a boring name, I will now, just one brief sentence later, rechristen it "50-48," since it is my favorite part of that last sentence anyway.
Q (nobody really mentioned anything about this one, I just wanted to include it): So how did the Cajuns do tonight against archrival ULM?
A: Shut up. I don't want to talk about it. Though I will say that the Cajuns pulled out a version of the Wildcat formation, sending their quarterback to the slot and using a running back, Dieon Wallace, to take the snap and run the triple-option. This just demonstrates the trickle-down power of Gus Malzahn's thought on the whole of the college football universe. (But that seems like a topic for another day, as does my refusal to use the gerrymandered phrase "Wildhog formation." No worries, however. You will certainly hear something about these topics in the coming weeks, like it or not.)
So welcome to 50-48. Send me email addresses, and I will include them on the list. And as good-faith gift, please accept this one final hyperlink, demonstrating the best halftime band performance by any college anywhere. Note to Razorback Marching Band: Off your asses! We're playing catch-up, now!
50-48
Fuck Texas
WPS
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