(Originally published 12/6/07)
50-48 #6: EMERGENCY UPDATE: GODDAMNIT, NEVERMIND
Goddamnit, nevermind. Grobe has decided to stay at Wake Forest. In other news, I have now moved from Pepto Bismol to Oxycontin. The kids tell me it will make me forget all of my problems. It's also possible that before the end of the day, I'll be having sex with the imaginary turtles that are flying around my apartment as we speak.
I will soon be starting a new petition for the NCAA, encouraging Miles Brand to consider FUCKING UP as a sanctioned collegiate sport. I think we would soon be able to reclaim those two forfeited track national championships if this were the case. FOR THOSE OF YOU IN FAYETTEVILLE, IF YOU SEE CONCENTRATED EVIL (john white) ON CAMPUS TODAY, THROW SOMETHING AT HIM! THIS GOES FOR BOARD MEMBERS OR EMPLOYEES OF THE BROYLES ATHLETIC CENTER, AS WELL!
But, ever the reluctant optimist, let me leave you with this: As you wallow in the misery of being led by a confederacy of dunces, take heart! With its historical largess and high graduation rate spanning throughout the bulk of the twentieth century, it's a statistical probability that an alumnus of the University of Texas will die today.
50-48
Fuck Texas
WPS
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