50-48 #32: EMERGENCY SCIENCE UPDATE!

(Originally published 5/20/08)

50-48 #32: EMERGENCY SCIENCE UPDATE!

Dearest beloved 50-48ians,

The Hog baseball team is holding onto the slim hope that the NCAA will allow it into the 64-team College World Series field. The Hogette softballers made it to the NCAA tournament, only to be ousted on opening weekend. And Hog alum Jenero Pargo almost single-handedly destroyed the hopes of the entire state of Louisiana with his ill-timed, way-off-the-mark three-point shots. (Thanks, butthole!)

But all is not lost! The Hogs are now making inroads into northeast India! Thanks to the Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust, the Pygmy Hog Conservation Programme, and the British's government's science dole, known as the Darwin Initiative, SIXTEEN NEW HOGS are going strong, kicking hell out of Assam Province! (Thanks, England!)

Vivat Porcula salvania!

Here's another dose of the cuteness: CLICK HERE. And yet another: CLICK HERE. Here's the ungulate fact sheet: CLICK HERE. Here's a devoted native of the Punjab about to make out with one: CLICK HERE.

Sweet little baby hogs. No doubt the Injuns made sure they saw their Baby Razorback developmental video before leaving for the wild. Sweet little baby hogs watching their Baby Razorback developmental videos. And then maybe they get cold, so the Injuns give them some Baby Razorback infant booties to keep them warm. Sweet little baby hogs watching their Baby Razorback developmental videos in their warm little Baby Razorback infant booties.

That's so sweet it almost makes me forget the diabetic shock I almost induced 30 minutes ago after eating 8 boxes of the new Chewy Atomic Fireball. Yes, that's right. I said chewy. (For more on the historical evolution of the fireball, CLICK HERE.)

And so that's really TWO science updates. You're freaking welcome. And so now I have a dilemma. Would it be too corny to end with:

Woo Pygmy Sooie!

Probably. Yes, you're right. I won't do it. I won't write:

Woo Pygmy Sooie!

anymore. Of course, one's natural inclination would be to write it a third time, finishing the cheer. Such as:

Woo Pygmy Sooie!
Baby Razorbacks!

But I really think that I'm going to resist the temptation. I simply won't do it. So for that, you're freaking welcome, too.

Carry on, 50-48ians, and rest soundly in the knowledge that the Hogs are on the ground in India.

50-48
Fuck Texas
WPS