50-48 #11: LAST NEW YEAR'S DAY WAS THE WORST OF MY LIFE (RE: WATCHING THE HOGS LOSE TO WISCONSIN, THEN MAKING THE LONG, ARDUOUS, LONELY DRIVE FROM ORLANDO TO FAYETTEVILLE WITH THE STENCH OF DEFEAT STINKING UP THE FREAKING RENTAL CAR) AND IT LED TO THE WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE (EX: I AM A BAD BATCH OF JELLY BEANS AWAY FROM BLOWING MY BRAINS OUT), SO WHAT WILL THIS NEW YEAR'S DAY HOLD? OH, THE STAGGERING POSSIBILITIES!
"Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security." —Legendary Philadelphia Mathematician John Allen Paulos
Hello everyone!
In the spirit of the new year and the possibility of renewal that the arbitrary date brings, let me begin with the good things! Hooray! First: The Texas A&M deal got done, though it wasn't for ten years, as previously reported here at 50-48. It looks instead to be in the 6-8 year range. But the big news is that it brings a $5 million payout—a much BIGGER payout than the Red River Rivalry, which will be played in the same building upon its completion. Take that you Longhorn fucks! Boomer Sooner!
Second: A voice of reason appears from (of all places) Heber Springs! Note to Democrat-Gazette, this guy is bigger than the Sun Times. Hire him. Let's give this courageous knight of justice and virtue a larger stage from which to practice his knightcraft. (EDITOR'S NOTE: Knightcraft might not be a word.)
Finally: The Cotton Bowl! A couple of game notes for your watching pleasure: We're going to have an ACC officiating crew. This is the second best that we could do. The Big Ten has by far the best officials in college football. They are the only conference to have professional video grading of every game. They were the first to try replay. They are hands-down the best. But the ACC is a pretty good consolation prize. Pac 10 and Big East officials are as mediocre and incapable as the football teams they judge. The non-BCS conferences obviously have similar problems.
The team should have a nice pregame. The Cotton Bowl gift packs for the players will include a video-capable ipod, a set of noise-reducing earphones, a Canon digital camera, a Cotton Bowl watch, and a $250 gift card (the card may be a pre-paid Visa card or a Best Buy gift card; the situation is unclear but fluid. I'll keep my ear to the ground!). Excellent! Let's hope all those gifts don't go to their heads! (Insert joke about D-Mac's Escalade here. Op cit below.)
While you're watching the game, there are a couple of statistics you should be aware of—a couple of potential records that could be broken. Darren needs 167 yards to become the SEC's all-time single-season rushing leader. He needs only 63 yards to become the SEC's second all-time leading rusher (Kevin Faulk, the current number 2, did so in 41 games. Darren has only played in 37.). Felix needs only 89 rushing yards to reach 3,000 for his career. He only needs 110 to reach 5,000 all-purpose yards (let me just remind you again that he is a junior backup running back)! And on the subject of all-purpose yards, if Darren gets 109, he will pass Auburn's James Brooks for number 5 all time (in the SEC). For more of this, including long-shot record possibilities for Marcus Monk, CLICK HERE.
And if none of that puts a song in your heart, try THIS. It lets you play virtual matchups between the Hogs and anyone else! {WARNING: The statistical bank that the site uses to create virtual winners only goes back to 1996, so you will be unable to pit Coach Broyles 1964 Hogs against Bear Bryant's Crimson Tide, led that season by drunken Kolber-kisser Joe Namath. For more on their loss in the Orange Bowl, which gave the rightful national championship to the undefeated Razorbacks, CLICK HERE. [And yes I know it was Texas that beat them, and I know that Texas is evil, and I do root for the nuclear destruction of Austin, or a leprosy outbreak, or a giant cloud that descends down upon the campus and turns everyone into robots, and then as soon as they're all robots, it starts to rain, and so all their newly-metal body parts rust, and they're forever stuck in the position they were in when the giant robot cloud came and changed them. But championship is a championship is a championship. Thanks, Gertrude, for the perspective. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: You fans of pre-World War I poetry will really get a kick out of that last hyperlink!)]}
Let's now move to the rumor mill. Two have dominated the last few days. First, the Dallas Morning News reported that Reggie was on his way to Texas A&M, but Reggie has denied it. He argued in response that he hoped to speak with Jeff Long and Coach Petrino about his future after the Cotton Bowl. We'll see.
But the biggest, most potentially catastrophic rumor concerns D-Mac and his new Escalade. Let me reassure all of you who may be worried: THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR. D-MAC HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG. MIKE CONNELY, LEGENDARY RAZORBACK TRACK STAR AND CURRENT SPORTS AGENT, HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG, AND MRS. MCFADDEN, DARREN'S STEPMOTHER, HAS ALSO DONE NOTHING WRONG. After a wreck approximately six months ago, Darren's stepmother Ella replaced her wrecked car with a Cadillac Escalade. She has since allowed Darren to borrow the vehicle to drive around Little Rock when he has been home from school. She also allowed him to borrow the car to take to Dallas for the Cotton Bowl. She, of course, will be in Dallas, too. This isn't so bizarre or unreasonable. KARK and other Arkansas media outlets reported this story of potential impropriety, then apologized. Disneysport, late to the party, is reporting it now, even after the media apology, and their reporting gives the story some sort of quasi-respectability. But never fear. There may be smoke, but there is no fire. Darren will play in the Cotton Bowl. The University is investigating, but they won't find anything. There should be a statement released on Hogwired later today clearing him of any wrongdoing.
But on this subject, how is it that the sycophantic Arkansas media can go YEARS without reporting any of the proven improprieties of Houston Dale Nutt, which damaged the lives of many students and submarined the once-respectable Razorback football program, but can immediately report unsubstantiated rumors about Darren and a Cadillac Escalade? Is it because they have an interest in seeing the Razorback football program fail? Why would this be? Well, the three stations reporting the D-Mac rumor yesterday were Little Rock stations. Little Rock is the major media outlet for the state. And what does NWA have that LR doesn't? Home games at Razorback Stadium. A steadily declining football program means Frank leaves—the same Frank who fought to reduce War Memorial's game allotment—and you get a steadily declining football program by watching a nihilistic monster run the program into the ground, destroying lives along the way, and NOT reporting it. So they got Frank's resignation, now what? Finish off the program by not making an adequate response when the national media crushes Arkansas for hiring Petrino (do I need to say it again? Heber Springs!) then narc out Darren with lies in order to sabotage the Cotton Bowl. When the program falls far enough, people begin looking for remedies. It won't be long before people begin remembering the "glory days" at War Memorial, and new AD Jeff Long decides to throw a few more games Little Rock's way. Or, the whole D-Mac debacle could very well be a power play by the Little Rock media to demonstrate to Jeff Long that they are not to be trifled with. Then perhaps they will use that leverage for more War Memorial games. Either way, I see conspiracy.
But then again, I see conspiracy in everything. It is probably just good-ole-fashioned incompetence. After all, conspiracies take brains. And the Arkansas sports media has proven ever since the death of the great Orville Henry that it has very little in the way of brains.
Either way, enjoy the Cotton Bowl everybody!
Brief basketball note: We did, in fact, lose to Appalachian State in Little Rock last week. (You hear that, Jeff Long! No more games in Little Rock!) We sucked and I don't want to talk about it. (Except to say this: Gary Ervin might be the worst basketball player on the planet. And yes, I AM including little Billy Bardenshire, third string point guard on the Alma Titans six-and-under squad.) But yesterday we played a much better game against the University of Louisiana at Monroe, winning 80-65. This made me particularly happy, as I am in Monroe right now, aching to escape the hideous nightmare that is being here for more than two days at a time. Going back to Lafayette isn't much of a remedy, but at least it will be a different sort of misery. Woo hoo!
[AUTHOR'S NOTE: That last hyperlink is not random. Consider it an official 50-48 endorsement of young Hayley Williams and her band Paramore. Here's one that's even better! A faux-80s composition titled Crushcrushcrush! You're welcome! Oh, and while I was youtubing, I also found this acoustic version of the song in that first hyperlink ! For interested listeners, the themes of Paramore's musical compositions are as follows: boys; high school drama; teenage angst; more boys. Did someone say Hemingway!?!?!]
GO HOGS GO! BEAT MIZZOU!
WOOOOOOOOOOO PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG SOOOOOIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOO PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG SOOOOOIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
50-48
Fuck Texas
WPS
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