50-48 #8: EMERGENCY UPDATE, A NEW AND IMPROVED ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS FOOTBALL COACH; TURNS OUT THERE MIGHT BE A GOD AFTER ALL, AND WEARS CARDINAL AND WHITE, DRINKS CHEAP BEER, AND HAS ONE OF THOSE HATS SHAPED LIKE A HOG! GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO!
50-48 #8: EMERGENCY UPDATE!HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! ESPN REPORTING THAT BOBBY PETRINO HAS RESIGNED AS HEAD COACH OF THE ATLANTA FALCONS IN ORDER TO TAKE THE ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS COACHING JOB!
FOR THOSE OF YOU KEEPING SCORE, THAT'S HOGS 1, NFL 0! TALK ABOUT A DRAMATIC HIRE! TALK ABOUT SERVING NOTICE TO THE SEC! I HOPE HOOTIE IS SITTING SOMEWHERE IN MISSISSIPPI, WITH THE LUMP IN HIS THROAT AND BUTTERFLIES IN HIS STOMACH THAT I USED TO GET BEFORE I TOOK THE STAGE IN ELEMENTARY PLAYS! (My most noteworthy performance was a dramatic portrayal of Miles Standish in a particularly ethnocentric Thanksgiving production. I believe little Jackie Schwartzman, writing for the Jack Hayes Elementary newspaper, called it "without conceit, moving to this reviewer to tears. This performance was tantamount to the last night of breastfeeding.) HE IS GOING TO GET HIS ASS RUN BY AN AMAZING RECRUITER, AN NFL HEAD COACH, A MAN WHO MADE LOUISVILLE RELEVANT!
DRINK UP! LIFE'S ABOUT TO GET ALOT FUCKING BETTER! PLENTY OF COMMENTARY ON THIS NEW HIRE IN NEXT WEEK'S INSTALLMENT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING! THE SKY IS BLUER! FOOD TASTES BETTER! WE ARE POISED ON THE BRINK OF DESTINY! NOW LET'S JUST HOPE WE DON'T FUCK THIS ONE UP ( I.E. TUBBERVILLE, GROBE, ET. AL)!
GOODBYE MEDIOCRITY! HELLO BRIGHT SUNSHINE OF A BRIGHTER DAY.
50-48
FUCK TEXAS FOREVER AND EVER
WOOOOOOOOO PIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGG SSSOOOOOOOIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
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