50-48 #17: GOD GAVE US MEMORY SO THAT WE MIGHT HAVE ROSES IN JANUARY

(Originally published 1/27/08)

50-48 #17: GOD GAVE US MEMORY SO THAT WE MIGHT HAVE ROSES IN JANUARY (to paraphrase James Matthew Barrie)

Déjà vu is a funny thing. There are, of course, many disparate theories as to the causes of the phenomenon, but scientists are far clearer on the cognitive variations. (Always the praxis, never the theory…Silly freaking scientists.) There is, amongst those variations, déjà vécu (that which is already experienced), déjà senti (that which is already thought), and déjà visité (that which is already visited). For more on the phenomenon, CLICK HERE. For a tour through the museum of brains, CLICK HERE.

Any route, the reason I bring up déjà vu is because last night I had it! Don't you remember a few months ago when I came to you with a tale of traveling to that cesspool forty short miles from Lafayette (home to an honest-to-god bead store; Happy Mardi Gras Razorbackians!) to watch our beloved Hog football team whip the ever-living shit out of the by-god number one LSU Tigers? Well, IT HAS HAPPENED AGAIN! The Razorback basketball team made it a revenue-generating sweep for the boys in cardinal and white yesterday!

Even better, they actually played decently! It was almost as if Coach Pel took a lesson from Wisconsin's Bo Ryan, and broke out some Soulja Boy before the game. As you might imagine, Gary Ervin was still a nightmare wrapped in a trainwreck, smothered in the piss of a blind, narcoleptic dog.

And just like last time, the Baton Rouge natives are restless. Here are a couple of examples: ONE; TWO. (The second is a glorious Fire John Brady petition.) Poor little kitties.

And if that weren't enough, we also won ourselves a national championship this week! Veteran Razorback cheerleader Laura Cole won CBS Sportsline's Cheerleader of the Year contest! Suck it, University of Houston! Your intrepid 50-48 reporter is proud to report that he voted for Laura on both his home and work computers, helping bring home the victory. It made him feel like a part of the team. It was almost as if he had terminal cancer, but was able to finagle unlimited wishes from the Make-A-Wish foundation.

Wow. That video link was funny, but also kind of dirty. Here: let me clean off your computer. CLICK HERE.

But then, not everything was puppies and wishes. What week in Razorback sports would be complete without a proper helping of doom. Ellis Johnson resigned as defensive coordinator after about two weeks on the job. The dirty fuckstick decided instead to coach the defense at South Cackalacky. So, to sum up: Tyrone Nix, shitty defensive coordinator for South Cackalacky, quit (before he was fired) to become Hootie's defensive coordinator at the "University" of Mississippi. Then Johnson goes to Cackalacky from Mississippi State, by way of us. Rest assured, no matter who we get to replace Johnson, all of these incestuous coaching moves are going to make next season even better. Particularly considering that USC-East and Ole Miss ("university") are both bad teams that we shouldn't have much trouble beating.

As for replacements, John Tenuta, formerly of Georgia Tech, and Rick Minter, formerly of Notre Dame and Cincinnati, have been discussed. So too has Bud Foster, but this choice is a monumental pipe dream. Foster won't leave Virginia Tech. 50-48 will continue scouring the internet to find out Coach Petrino's top choices and will report any progress next week.

Oh, and speaking of Hootie! This just in from the 50-48 news desk: It is theoretically possible that Hootie will quit his job at Ole Miss to run for Mayor of Detroit. It seems he has every qualification that city requires for the position. His texting fingers are most likely poised as I type this.

Finally, let me close by preaching vigilance. Hogball has two big games this week against first place Mississippi State and freshman-loaded Florida, who just came off a monumental ass-thumping of #14 Vanderbilt. We'll see if the confidence from our LSU success carries over. Both of the games are in Fayetteville, so I urge all of you Northwest Arkansans to get your asses to the arena on Wednesday and Saturday. I'll be watching from here in Lafayette, deep in the throes of Mardi Gras, chanting the mantra that keeps me semi-sane:

50-48
Fuck Texas
WPS