THE GLORIOUS GUILLOTINING OF THE TYRANNOUS VILLAIN LEADING THE HOG FOOTBALL TEAM HAS NOW HAPPENED, RE 3.5 MILLION DOLLAR BUYOUT. 50-48 SAYS, "ADIOS SHITHEAD."
Dear 50-48 members,
Just a quick note to let you all know the good news: Houston Dale "Hootie" "Dork" "2x4" "Luv That Helmet" "Called that Play Brutha" Nutt has resigned—or, more specifically, has been forced to resign. It was touch and go there for the last 48 hours, as the powers that be soaked in the greatest victory of Nutt's tenure, but knowledge of the impending lawsuit from Mitch Mustain and his mother, the growing (and groaning) enmity of everyone in the state (and some of us who are out of state) convinced him to go. The press conference will be at 6:30 this evening. If any of you are in Fayetteville and free, 50-48 encourages you to go and throw shit at him. This is a watershed moment, one of those moments that would have made it into the bible had it occurred long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away (or was that a movie…). Let it be stated again: it doesn't matter if it's the bible or Shakespeare, EVIL ALWAYS OUTS. And cosmic justice, I should mention, is probably the best dessert after a meal of purple and gold pussy cat. Freedom is a real thing. Salvation is a real thing. We all now know what it is to be a hostage in Iran, then to be released into civilization. We're a bit fucked up for the event, but in the end, fucked up or not, we are breathing free air. Breathe it in. This is a celebration. 50-48 will be back later in the week with analysis of this glorious moment in Razorback history. But for now, he will just drink it in. And he will begin drinking in nary a few minutes. And for the first time in years, he will be drinking to exacerbate joy instead of drinking to stanch despair. NOTE: Hootie's departure will also surely mean the departure of his horrid wife Diana, and quite possibly a certain 300-pound bull-dyke physical therapist in Little Rock. WOO PIG SOOIE FOREVER AND EVER. Count yourselves lucky to have experienced the greatest 3-day stretch in Razorback history. Want confirmation? See here. Want funny interpretation? See here. Want evidence of all the dirty tricks this illegitimate barbarous regime has perpetrated on the state of Arkansas and the broader Razorback Nation? See here. 50-48 will conclude by reminding you all of your Hannah Arendt: "No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has determined the very existence of politics, the cause of freedom versus tyranny." Right on, Hannah. You go girl. 50-48 only asks that as you open the first of what will surely become several celebratory Bud Lights this evening, think of him smiling and approving from the tropics of south Lousiana. We're free, everyone. Go do what free people do.
50-48
Fuck Texas
WPS
No comments:
Post a Comment